TESTING THE WATERS
WHERE DO I BELONG?
Ok. So I'm at that "testing the waters" stage, where I've convinced my mom to let me come home for Pesach, rather than "see the world!" No, mom, Pesach is best spent at home. And this is why:
Especially for a seminary/almost post seminary girl, leaving the comfort of her frum atmosphere is unsettling. Unsettling in a way that can only be aided by testing the waters before being pushed off, into the deep end. Coming home was, for me, a trial I set for myself. A trial where both my inclinations will be at war with one another. Which will control me? It's an unnerving thought. How, once I am out of this religiously-safe environment, will I treat life properly? Every day I have to ask myself, not, "How is life treating me?" Rather, "How am I treating life?" That should keep me on the right track.
So far, it has been challenging and eye-opening. Challenging in the way that... well, here I come home, and I've always been the "cool older sister" who takes the kids out for joyrides, radio blaring, windows rolled down, rents movies with them...etc. Typical. But not anymore. And now I hear my 12 yr old twin sisters complaining, "What's WRONG with you? ur like so frum now or something!" oyyy. But I'm slowly acclimating the family to Jewish music. They're already crazy about Matisyahu. Now I'm getting them into Gershon Veroba's VARIATIONS and the parents and kids LOVE it! Next will be..uh..nice niggunim? HELP!
Now the eye-opener was at this "b'nos" thing the seminary-aged girls made for the younger girls. It felt so odd being on the giving-end, rather than the receiving. And yet, I still felt that it wasn't my place. As much as I'd love to learn and receive, I need to be able to give and contribute.
The question now is, where do I belong?
Cuz I don't have much in common with the "chillers" here either.
So for now, my place is here, with the kids, with the mom, and with the dad.
AND I LOVE IT!
Ok. So I'm at that "testing the waters" stage, where I've convinced my mom to let me come home for Pesach, rather than "see the world!" No, mom, Pesach is best spent at home. And this is why:
Especially for a seminary/almost post seminary girl, leaving the comfort of her frum atmosphere is unsettling. Unsettling in a way that can only be aided by testing the waters before being pushed off, into the deep end. Coming home was, for me, a trial I set for myself. A trial where both my inclinations will be at war with one another. Which will control me? It's an unnerving thought. How, once I am out of this religiously-safe environment, will I treat life properly? Every day I have to ask myself, not, "How is life treating me?" Rather, "How am I treating life?" That should keep me on the right track.
So far, it has been challenging and eye-opening. Challenging in the way that... well, here I come home, and I've always been the "cool older sister" who takes the kids out for joyrides, radio blaring, windows rolled down, rents movies with them...etc. Typical. But not anymore. And now I hear my 12 yr old twin sisters complaining, "What's WRONG with you? ur like so frum now or something!" oyyy. But I'm slowly acclimating the family to Jewish music. They're already crazy about Matisyahu. Now I'm getting them into Gershon Veroba's VARIATIONS and the parents and kids LOVE it! Next will be..uh..nice niggunim? HELP!
Now the eye-opener was at this "b'nos" thing the seminary-aged girls made for the younger girls. It felt so odd being on the giving-end, rather than the receiving. And yet, I still felt that it wasn't my place. As much as I'd love to learn and receive, I need to be able to give and contribute.
The question now is, where do I belong?
Cuz I don't have much in common with the "chillers" here either.
So for now, my place is here, with the kids, with the mom, and with the dad.
AND I LOVE IT!
posted by yoniQua at 1:49 PM
2 Comments:
niq, commenting on the whole blog in general, impressive, all shouldbe inspired just as you. keep it up, its good reliving the sem inspiration through you while in england.
MORIELLL I MISS U I LOVE YOU !!!!
loved having you in israel - right there... and im going back tom...kinda freaking out right now bc the kids were looking at my passport and lost it so ya lets just pray really hard that they accept a fake passport i happen to have..dont ask. oyy.
think about it - ur living the seminary life - actualized in practicality. goodluck...
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