A Sacred Marriage... VIOLATED; Reconsecrated.
Overwhelmed with emotion, I lightly sway back and forth. I bring the siddur close to my face, breathing in the worn pages of the machzor. My lids are drawn closed by tears welling in the corners of my eyes. The day has finally come.
I stand before my G-d with both awe and the sinking feeling of a minute puzzle piece in the impressive puzzle of a Master. I take full stock of what I am. A TRAITOR.
I am a wicked, selfish traitor. I do not deserve this wonderful husband of mine. Time and again I have displeased him, caused Him pain and grief.
Our marriage is sacred. One no one can break. Yet, I have managed to violate that which I hold dearest and most holy. My marriage to G-d.
As I come before Him, I am humbled. I do not express regret for specific sins I have committed. No. Now is not that time. He is not angry with me for sinning. He is saddened by my choices that have created distance between us. He loves me. How could I have been so selfish, uninhibited, and blind? So very blind…
As a wife, I look to dwell on the qualities of my husband, rather than on the enormity of my sins. My husband is incredible, so selfless, Divine, and endearing.
This year my prayers are formed in a slightly different chamber of my heart. I have definitely matured, yet with this newfound maturity, I have the astounding realization that I have so much further to go. Maturity of the mind, emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
And I will begin by consecrating my marriage to my Beloved, once again.
“Ani LeDodi V’Dodi Li / I am to my Beloved, and my Beloved is to me.”
posted by yoniQua at 10:05 PM
11 Comments:
this is beautiful...
honey, ur not a traitor- your G-d's number one fav- and dont ever doubt that!
Kesiva vechasima tovah, happy healthy sweet new year- mwa xxxxxx
thanks graj - oh and thanks for finally getting a cell in HAWAII!!
ksiva vachasima tova to you too - and to EVERYONE.
mwa
and easy on those kids there, girl. :)
uve GOT to be the best morah!
profoundly poetic. tefilah is art after all. I mean real tefilos.
Shana Tova and Chag Sameach!
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nice. congratulations on being published ;).
interesting expounding on the concept of Shir Hashirim.
You know though that The Husband Desires your repentance dearly and is willing to accept it.
hey- i checked it out.. nice stuff!
M(club member ;)
before i respond to comments, i just want to say thanks to e/o for checking this out - whether cuz ur a friend, bloggerholic :), or cuz u saw it on crownheights.info.. its cool to hear feedback. thanks!
yeah, so for those of you who've been calling me and emailing me bout being published.. its cool, ur right. im just waiting to see how it'll be taken ya know... quite simply - they came across my blog and asked if they could publish my latest post. took me a while to agree, but i think its great for people to share what they have with others. go for it!
skeptic - whether a tefilla is "real" or not, it is still heard u know... just in case thats what u were referring to.
and chag sameach to you! thanks.
wandering - thank you.
prag - thats right. good point.
m - very funny. i changed it - but very funny.
..."intresting" way too look at it.
Congradulations on being published!
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