Birthday Blues...
Yeah my birthday's on Tuesday. (Hebrew.) So what. What do birthdays mean anyway...
For me, it was supposed to be an acknowledgment of how far I've come, how I may have grown, matured.
But no.
Instead, I have been quite shockingly and rudely informed that I have not matured, that I have not grown. That I'm just the same as I've always been. And worse.
What right does anyone have to make another person feel miserable? What gives them the right to put down others in order to feel good about themselves, pure.
How can someone sleep at night having poured kosher salt on old wounds, causing new abrasions and lacerations to form where the scabs habe practically disappeared altogether?
I do not sleep when I have hurt another person... I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I had caused similar pain to another individual...
G-d must have His reasons for permitting pain. Yet, why this messenger? Messenger of torment...
I am tormented by the thought that here I am, turning 20, and perhaps I have not accomplished much in this world. Perhaps I have not made this world a better place. Perhaps my doings are not needed...
Tough-chick is turned emotional and sensitive by seeing others hurt and internalizing pain. Pain doesn't pass me by any longer. It lingers, becoming fused with my blood.
Every day I jump out of bed. I love what I do and who I am. Passionately.
I pride myself in my positivity. I use my positivity to bring just a little more happiness to an otherwise pessimistic world. But eventually pessimism conquers. Why is that? Why can't optimism conquer all!
Yet, I know that if I let every unfortunate, unplanned, awful, even evil thing that occured affect me, I'd be that shy, withdrawn, muted skeleton lurking in the shadows.
Look at me! I'm no skeleton! I'm in no way shy or silent. And this post here proves I'm not withdrawn!
I am out there. I am happy. I really, truly am. See that, and don't feel the need to bash it. Don't feel the need to make a truly happy person unhappy, a secure person insecure. It's just not fair.
I will not allow it to take me over. I will not permit another's paranoia and jealousy threaten my happiness or identity. It has been the goal of too many people, too many times.
See my strength and resolve.
As I said previously, in a previous post,
The Sweetest Revenge is living well. Just because I might be having pre-birthday blues, I will still be happy and exude that happiness to others... it's not them that were targetted anyway.
Hopefully I'll be able to celebrate my English birthday in NY - give my true friends a good time at least...
For me, it was supposed to be an acknowledgment of how far I've come, how I may have grown, matured.
But no.
Instead, I have been quite shockingly and rudely informed that I have not matured, that I have not grown. That I'm just the same as I've always been. And worse.
What right does anyone have to make another person feel miserable? What gives them the right to put down others in order to feel good about themselves, pure.
How can someone sleep at night having poured kosher salt on old wounds, causing new abrasions and lacerations to form where the scabs habe practically disappeared altogether?
I do not sleep when I have hurt another person... I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I had caused similar pain to another individual...
G-d must have His reasons for permitting pain. Yet, why this messenger? Messenger of torment...
I am tormented by the thought that here I am, turning 20, and perhaps I have not accomplished much in this world. Perhaps I have not made this world a better place. Perhaps my doings are not needed...
Tough-chick is turned emotional and sensitive by seeing others hurt and internalizing pain. Pain doesn't pass me by any longer. It lingers, becoming fused with my blood.
Every day I jump out of bed. I love what I do and who I am. Passionately.
I pride myself in my positivity. I use my positivity to bring just a little more happiness to an otherwise pessimistic world. But eventually pessimism conquers. Why is that? Why can't optimism conquer all!
Yet, I know that if I let every unfortunate, unplanned, awful, even evil thing that occured affect me, I'd be that shy, withdrawn, muted skeleton lurking in the shadows.
Look at me! I'm no skeleton! I'm in no way shy or silent. And this post here proves I'm not withdrawn!
I am out there. I am happy. I really, truly am. See that, and don't feel the need to bash it. Don't feel the need to make a truly happy person unhappy, a secure person insecure. It's just not fair.
I will not allow it to take me over. I will not permit another's paranoia and jealousy threaten my happiness or identity. It has been the goal of too many people, too many times.
See my strength and resolve.
As I said previously, in a previous post,
The Sweetest Revenge is living well. Just because I might be having pre-birthday blues, I will still be happy and exude that happiness to others... it's not them that were targetted anyway.
Hopefully I'll be able to celebrate my English birthday in NY - give my true friends a good time at least...
posted by yoniQua at 9:52 PM
12 Comments:
Hmm that sucks..
Isn't it amazing how the ability for us to feel happy..is often in the hands of others?
What power!
Hope u enjoy NY...bundle up!
You have the right attitude about not letting them do that to you.
happy birthday
Happy birthday. yes the bathroom walls are bright pepto bismol pink! but over all the school isn't that bad ;)
i think i got your chumash or navi or something. and i also hink i may have met you last year at poduction. i was there with the solomons.
ou make me sadd! yoniqua happy birthday.... may u have all the blessings in the world and u should find true happiness and learn from wat that person did to do!
I am sorry for whatever someone said to you that was insensitive! Nobody should ruin your any day- especially your birthday! HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
thanks for all the bday wishes....
david - yeah i need a coat.
lvn - attitude aint everything, but thanks.
supersplatt - email me, do i know you?
pimp - thanks babe - ur a doll.
lakewood - thank you thats very sweet
sry my blog recently got depressing... i hate that. we need some positivity, ppl!!!
for my birthday, i wish true happiness to all!
Elanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Even if one tries to hurt you (or even if they don't try) it's up to you, whether you let it get to you or not. You are great, believe it.
happy birthday! May you have a year filled with only revealed goodness and true happiness at the core of your being!
And yes, it is freezing over here in NY...
well babe,
my great grandma used to use "who needs 'em"
i say f*ck 'em.
you rock. plain and simple.
don't let meddlers meddle where they shouldn't.
have an absolutely smashing, rocking, and straight up amazing birthday.
i was just thinking, your birthday is on halloween!!!! go trick or treating. yup that's the ticket my friend.
what did your friend say?
huh?
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