bentzion
people pass through our lives, whether for a few months, a couple years, or even for a mere moment. remember that guy who asked for a shekel? remember that girl who complemented you on your hair? how about that little boy who made fun of the way you threw a bootball? or the mother who seemed frustrated and on edge? or a friend you lost touch with? how is one to know when that someone might no longer be around.
G-d created a world. and within it numerous creations. funny to think how each has its own purpose, each a reason G-d wants it here.
if we kept that in mind, i think we would not be so horrible. we might even be civil, kind people.
instead, we let people drift in and out of our little minutes, hours, years, lives. why? if each person has a purpose, than wouldnt you want to be as much a part of a purposeful life as possible?
the ache is deep. the pain searing and sharp. i cant see straight and my brain is swimming. but one thing i know. i will not be unchanged by the passing of this brave teenager whose life was taken prematurely today.
every person who crosses my path - i will not forget you.
it used to be that i would never permit someone to forget ME. i made my statements, stood out of a crowd, made people laugh or cringe - if just to keep me in their thoughts.
i dont want it to be just that anymore. i want to remember people. for the goodness in them, for the purpose G-d created them with.
he wouldnt want us to mourne.
hed want us to live life.
he always did.
he lived life and was proud of it.
G-d, dont You see? He came around full circle - tzitzis, a kipa.
I guess his mission in life was complete. His soul is so precious to G-d, that He wants to grasp it in His hands, touch it, hold onto it.
the lives of jewish babies, children, teenagers, adults... Hashem holds dear. so should we.
my hachlata is this: i will never view someone as unimportant or 'just another one'. i will treat you with respect and adoration. i will love you for your soul and for your purpose. i will not take my life for granted, or the life of any other person's. if he lived life with such happiness, so can we all... so can i.
(unedited - denial - drained - bedtime - will i make it to the levaya - hashem if it is Your will that i attend, please make it possible for me to make it there and back via a ride - and back in time for the graduation.)
Though i try with all my might to understand Your ways, to know You, i will never quite understand.
G-d created a world. and within it numerous creations. funny to think how each has its own purpose, each a reason G-d wants it here.
if we kept that in mind, i think we would not be so horrible. we might even be civil, kind people.
instead, we let people drift in and out of our little minutes, hours, years, lives. why? if each person has a purpose, than wouldnt you want to be as much a part of a purposeful life as possible?
the ache is deep. the pain searing and sharp. i cant see straight and my brain is swimming. but one thing i know. i will not be unchanged by the passing of this brave teenager whose life was taken prematurely today.
every person who crosses my path - i will not forget you.
it used to be that i would never permit someone to forget ME. i made my statements, stood out of a crowd, made people laugh or cringe - if just to keep me in their thoughts.
i dont want it to be just that anymore. i want to remember people. for the goodness in them, for the purpose G-d created them with.
he wouldnt want us to mourne.
hed want us to live life.
he always did.
he lived life and was proud of it.
G-d, dont You see? He came around full circle - tzitzis, a kipa.
I guess his mission in life was complete. His soul is so precious to G-d, that He wants to grasp it in His hands, touch it, hold onto it.
the lives of jewish babies, children, teenagers, adults... Hashem holds dear. so should we.
my hachlata is this: i will never view someone as unimportant or 'just another one'. i will treat you with respect and adoration. i will love you for your soul and for your purpose. i will not take my life for granted, or the life of any other person's. if he lived life with such happiness, so can we all... so can i.
(unedited - denial - drained - bedtime - will i make it to the levaya - hashem if it is Your will that i attend, please make it possible for me to make it there and back via a ride - and back in time for the graduation.)
Though i try with all my might to understand Your ways, to know You, i will never quite understand.
posted by yoniQua at 10:39 PM
20 Comments:
What happened exactly?
baruch dayan emes. if you can tap into the immense power that each person holds, then a whole new world opens up to you...
i knew the kellers since that summer I spent upstate when I met Shira. My whole family loves her, especially my sisters.
When I was a newcomer to the whole Crown Heights scene, the Kellers took me in for shabbosim, yom tovim, and random nights away from school in CT. Their house is so warm and cozy and guest-friendly. I got to know most of the family - bentzion included. I was so happy to see him in Israel sporting a kipa and tzitzis finally. This was a huge shock.
He was spending the wkend with a coupla friends upstate, as ive heard, when he awoke in the middle of the night with a seizure - a fight that had taken place a few days prior had resulted in a blood clot in his brain from a blow to the head. There were complications I'd rather not...
If we can take his joy for living and take action as did he, in following his goals and dreams, he truly lives on through us.
Bentzion, you can do it like no one can up there...
i completely lost it at 770 when the hearse stopped in front of it.
and then again at the gravesite.
we do have so much power, and by really assessing ourselves to reveal first to ourselves the purpose vested in us, we will then be able to reveal it to others, to the world, and fulfill it to the best of our ability.
of course you will never understand the ways of Hashem-for "to know G-d is to be G-d" (and somethin tells me you aint the one...)
Baruch Dayan Ha'emes.
yoniqua, know that by taking on this hachlata, you are doin worlds of good for both bentzions neshama, the family, and all of klal yisroel. you are changing the world.
may hashem heal ur pain and take us out of this miserable, atrocious, stupid, dragged out golus already!
Bde sorry to hear very nice expression of your feelings.
niq, this is the first i'm at ur blog and it was actually benny who brought me here. i somehow knew you'd write s/t on him and had to see it.
I didn't know Benny personally but I'm friends w/ Shira and I knew that they were very close. I also remember how he would look after Shira's friends (especially Rochii R.) as if he were their older brother.
As you said in your post, some people come into our lives without us realizing that they come into our lives until they leave. I didn't know how much he's affected me until he was gone.
One of Shira's old friends put it to me this way when I didn't want to dance at my brother's wed. right after the levaya "Benny would have wanted you to dance-he was a happy boy, do it for Benny." Thank you for remembering Benny on your blog. I'm sure he's taking care of you from above.
Good Luck and Take Care
guys, i had no idea you guys knew him personally, im so sorry. niq, ill call u tomorw, i love you, please, if u need anything, im here for you.
thank u everybody for ur comforting words.
mmhf - wish ud post more.
sabra - amen - mashiach now!
mom - thank you. crying is what results from feelings one has which that at the moment are inexpressible thru words. i am trying to use words so that my tears will bring some comfort to others and myself, and spread good.
henya - thank you. u dont know how much it meant to me to have u there at 770 - holding me and not letting go. and u were late to ur brothers chupa bc u came... ur a tzedaikes. i love you.
henya i did so well for the past few hours and then i read "im sure hes taking care of u from above" and the tears flow freely again. what your friend told u at the wedding, its true. ive never seen benny anything but happy and go-lucky. he spreads love and peace to the world. he wants us to be happy and not just LIVE life, but CARPE DIEM - sieze each moment and utilize our wondrous powers for good. what an angel - were lucky to have had him effect us for as long as he did. every moment was a gift. love you, henya.
grajee - i love u and ya id love to hear from you. miss u mwa.
thanks for all the flattery but as much as I was there for you, I was there for me. I couldn't let Benny go like that w/o saying goodbye even if I never usually did. but thanks again
mmhf - i should add to "as long as he did," "and continues to effect us in a deeper way from where he is now."
thanks.
henya - kol hakavod. bizchutech ubizchut kol ha'am, ubizchut shelo, mashiach tavo. vehu goaleinu - mashiach tzidkeinu - ayayay...
I came across this blog through a comment you left on someone else's blog. I noticed the picture of Benny as the icon...so I followed you here. I wasn't even sure if it was him in the picture...I just keep "seeing him" everywhere I go. I never met him. He was a good friend of my friend. Yet even though I never knew him, I cried a lot after I heard of his passing. Sure I've cried for many Jews I never met, but for Bentzion I cried more than others. I read about him and heard about him and he seems so inspiring. Through the passing of this boy that I never even met I've been so inspired to make the most of myself and to attain great spiritual growth. May his neshama rest b'Gan Eden. May Hashem comfort everyone Benny touched. Moshiach now!
Benny was soo lively and fun. It was so hard to go into his house and see everyone crying. Outside, his sister was sitting with friends trying to talk about other things. Inside other ppl were talking. but the hardest was walking into his Shira's room. She loved him soo much. They were best friends. While sitting there, I thought a scary thought, "what if it were my brother-my best friend!" I had never felt such an urge to tell s/o i loved them. Guys just go somehow and make everyone see how important everyone around you is! make them appreciate life while they have it. Please!!!
what a beautiful boy to loose-it is unfortunate when the old have to bury the young.
chali, dont mean to be rude but who are you? (in anon. names i cant figure ppl out)
anon - im touched by what u said, so im sure benny feels the strength ur emenating, as well. thank you. may hashem comfort not only those benny touched, but you too, and all of klal yisrael. we need mashiach. bennys gonna bring him now.
chali - i bless you and your family with only health and happiness. may we all be comforted, and it is so inspiring to see how many people are bettering themselves from this tragedy. halvai.
and it doesnt matter that ur hachlata does not relate as you think it might not. every mitzva connects us to hashem in a dif way, necessary, and special way and we never know what the effect of any single good thing we do will have.
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO AN OUTSIDER (bh) WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN CROWN HEIGHTS AND WHY POLITICS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH TRAGEDIES, HASHEM YISHMOR?
i hate being out of the loop, but i despise politics even more. its all imaturity and ego.
GET OVER YOURSELVES!
If all these ppl who are all up in the heat of things knew benny and got to know him even a bit, there would be no politics. only love.
PEACE AND LOVE. thats benny.
you're making me feel really out of things bec. I live in CH and had no clue that something political was taking place now. I guess I'm still in the "sem Bubble" lol. s'good to know that my community is being torn apart. what's this world come to?!
Hi,
This is the first time I'm visiting this blog. Yoniqua, your writing, discription, word use and sentence structure is amazing. OMG i sound like an english teacher geek. But i just had to compliment you on that. I guess Benny also brought me to this site. Even though I never knew him. The comments on crownheights.info and on this blog have told me a lot about him. What a special boy he was. May his neshuma have an aliya and we should all see him again really soon with the coming of moshiach.
Just about the politics in Crown Heights: It's basically a bunch of guys that don't give a ... about crown heights, that are all fighting to be rabbonim, community council leaders. They're fighting about who gets more power more money. It's all about them. I think with Benny's passing- a member of our community they "community leaders", if they really cared about this community should have done something, said something, maybe even come to the levaya.
Enough of this horrible galus.
Just to give us all some hope and strength.
"It's darkest before dawn"
henya, my dear friend, the bubble is so much nicer :) dont feel like ur missing anything. imagine, we were in israel and never heard bout the whole politics thing with the elections and all - we managed to stay out of the media, except when americans told us, outsiders u know. and now, were outsiders here, and i think that again, were better off.
chali - again, politics is just immaturities... and ego.
anon - its ppl like u who make us so proud to have known benny, bc you are inspired by him without even have knowing him. thanks for the compliments. i should attribute the english to the parents and the strong secular education i received growing up. and i love to write...
and thanks for the CH info, lol. im glad im not involved.
wow really nice... and inspiring! unlike my blog! but anyway.. very nice..
yoniqua, im sorry this is what it took for me to read your blog, i dont know benny personaly but when you talk about him, he seems like a very specail guy and even though he was young he touched many of us thru his friends( like YOU) so thank you fore that.there not much you can say that will make it better so ill i can say is daven for Moshiach!
if you need anything....give me a ring:)
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