KEEP MOM!

Had that important convo w mom today. Took her out to Starbuck's, sat outside in the calm summer breaze, and maturely brought her up to date. I began by stalling with the topic of college and this summer...shidduchim...ya know... But then I had to get down to business. Mom deserves to know. She deserves to know her own daughter, her own flesh and blood.

So I told her. And now my only regret is...I should have told her sooner. What kept me from confiding in my mother all of these years? Well, I do know. I had to get over certain things in my life before I presented it to mom. That's the only thing I disagree with Manis on - that a mom cannot be your friend, you are to honor and fear her and to take her word as command. No. A mom is best as an aly.

Keep mom - You'll need her. :)

TESTING THE WATERS

WHERE DO I BELONG?

Ok. So I'm at that "testing the waters" stage, where I've convinced my mom to let me come home for Pesach, rather than "see the world!" No, mom, Pesach is best spent at home. And this is why:

Especially for a seminary/almost post seminary girl, leaving the comfort of her frum atmosphere is unsettling. Unsettling in a way that can only be aided by testing the waters before being pushed off, into the deep end. Coming home was, for me, a trial I set for myself. A trial where both my inclinations will be at war with one another. Which will control me? It's an unnerving thought. How, once I am out of this religiously-safe environment, will I treat life properly? Every day I have to ask myself, not, "How is life treating me?" Rather, "How am I treating life?" That should keep me on the right track.

So far, it has been challenging and eye-opening. Challenging in the way that... well, here I come home, and I've always been the "cool older sister" who takes the kids out for joyrides, radio blaring, windows rolled down, rents movies with them...etc. Typical. But not anymore. And now I hear my 12 yr old twin sisters complaining, "What's WRONG with you? ur like so frum now or something!" oyyy. But I'm slowly acclimating the family to Jewish music. They're already crazy about Matisyahu. Now I'm getting them into Gershon Veroba's VARIATIONS and the parents and kids LOVE it! Next will be..uh..nice niggunim? HELP!

Now the eye-opener was at this "b'nos" thing the seminary-aged girls made for the younger girls. It felt so odd being on the giving-end, rather than the receiving. And yet, I still felt that it wasn't my place. As much as I'd love to learn and receive, I need to be able to give and contribute.

The question now is, where do I belong?

Cuz I don't have much in common with the "chillers" here either.
So for now, my place is here, with the kids, with the mom, and with the dad.

AND I LOVE IT!