bentzion

people pass through our lives, whether for a few months, a couple years, or even for a mere moment. remember that guy who asked for a shekel? remember that girl who complemented you on your hair? how about that little boy who made fun of the way you threw a bootball? or the mother who seemed frustrated and on edge? or a friend you lost touch with? how is one to know when that someone might no longer be around.

G-d created a world. and within it numerous creations. funny to think how each has its own purpose, each a reason G-d wants it here.

if we kept that in mind, i think we would not be so horrible. we might even be civil, kind people.

instead, we let people drift in and out of our little minutes, hours, years, lives. why? if each person has a purpose, than wouldnt you want to be as much a part of a purposeful life as possible?

the ache is deep. the pain searing and sharp. i cant see straight and my brain is swimming. but one thing i know. i will not be unchanged by the passing of this brave teenager whose life was taken prematurely today.

every person who crosses my path - i will not forget you.

it used to be that i would never permit someone to forget ME. i made my statements, stood out of a crowd, made people laugh or cringe - if just to keep me in their thoughts.
i dont want it to be just that anymore. i want to remember people. for the goodness in them, for the purpose G-d created them with.

he wouldnt want us to mourne.
hed want us to live life.
he always did.
he lived life and was proud of it.

G-d, dont You see? He came around full circle - tzitzis, a kipa.
I guess his mission in life was complete. His soul is so precious to G-d, that He wants to grasp it in His hands, touch it, hold onto it.

the lives of jewish babies, children, teenagers, adults... Hashem holds dear. so should we.

my hachlata is this: i will never view someone as unimportant or 'just another one'. i will treat you with respect and adoration. i will love you for your soul and for your purpose. i will not take my life for granted, or the life of any other person's. if he lived life with such happiness, so can we all... so can i.

(unedited - denial - drained - bedtime - will i make it to the levaya - hashem if it is Your will that i attend, please make it possible for me to make it there and back via a ride - and back in time for the graduation.)

Though i try with all my might to understand Your ways, to know You, i will never quite understand.

The Future Is Bright

Like a mighty river that flows to reach its source, no dam can hold it back, no ship can struggle against its current. If in our journey downstream we appear to retrogress, to take a wrong turn, to lose a day in failure, it is only because we have no map to know its way. We see from within, but the river knows its path from above. Of one thing we have been given mastery, however: Not of our ultimate destiny, not even of the direction of our incessant flow, but of our journey. How soon will we arrive? How complete? How fulfilled? (chabad.org)

Here we stand, surviving? Existing? But only from our point of view are we independent living beings. Up above, from where we originated and continue to receive life continuously, we are like the sun's rays. Where the sun is, itself, the rays have no apparent existence, for the sun is so bright on its own. Yet earthly beings, G-d knew, must have their own sense of being. Today, thank G-d, we have that power to connect to our source while still retaining our sense of "self".

When we lack the vision and clarity in our journeys' finality and purpose, we need to remember this. We are one with G-d. No matter what, this journey, mine, yours - theyre all in accordance with His Will. We have these challenges daily - whether to follow the journey according to His wishes or to do as our "independent existences" desire - when it comes to how and when we will reach each milestone, and with what sense of purpose. G-d is not limited by time and space. He knows what has been and will be. So, why fear what the future will bring?

The future is bright, for it is all in His plan.

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE... DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE BACK AGAIN...

Ok, so the year in Israel is over. I'll be back. I'm in a huge state of denial. Denial that I'm leaving at all - I just started to pack now, almost midnight, and I'm leaving first thing in the morning. Well, that's when my plane takes off... With or without me.

There I stood. In the early afternoon heat. Sun beating down on my head and back, the scalding sand giving way to the coolness of the waves. I stand still, the water rising to just over my knees, and close my eyes tightly. This is exactly how I feel. While standing here amongst the many waves crashing against my calves, wetting my hiked-up skirt, and finally washing up the bank of the beach, I feel the symbolism of the moment. The waves have crashed against me countless of times. I've stood my ground, held up my guard, and not given in to the intensity of the pressure. Again and again I am willed to lose my grip, let go of myself, and be washed away.

I will not permit that to happen. I am even stronger today. With each wave washing toward the shore in my direction, my calves become more and more accustomed to supporting my weight and fighting the urge to be knocked over by the powerful force.

I can take it. I will not be dragged down, away from my ever increasing strength and ambition. Dreams and goals keep me going, keep me fighting the opposing forces.

This year has given me just what I need. The vast knowledge and the burning pride that keeps the flame of my soul ever kindled. I am not only a 'yehudi', not only a 'dati', but a 'chabadnekit'! I am a frum, Lubavitch Jew, fighting to keep my spark lit, while lighting the wicks of other lacking souls. May G-d give me and all of us the continued strength to utilize the match that the Rebbe has handed us, to light one soul after another, never losing our own brightness.

(this is unedited as I must go pack.)

Eretz HaKodesh, I will miss you and I WILL BE BACK if I must ever leave. And Medinat Haaretz can go "l'kol haruchot". At the moment, even if just at THIS moment, I would rather be in a corrupt place like America, where the standards are low, than in Israel, where the standards are high and the corruption just as significantly present.

MASHIACH NOW!!! SO WE CAN ALL BE HERE IN PEACE AND WITH ONLY G-DLINESS ALREADY! NOW! NOW! NOW!

World In Equilibrium

“Moshe received the Torah from Sinai.” (Ethics of Our Fathers – Ch.1 – Tract.1)

Commentators ask why it says, “from Sinai” and not “from G-d”?


Well, the well-known story, which Jewish preschools tend to make into the cutest plays, revolves around the following: When G-d was about to give the Torah to the Jews, many mountains came forward and begged G-d to present the Torah from upon their height, due to their seemingly high qualities. Instead, G-d called them “haughty mountains,” because of their boastfulness. In their place, He chose Sinai, the lowest mountain. In a children’s play, a shy kid would be quietly crouching, looking like a tiny mountain, beautiful and serene, and noticed for her holy ambiance. A low mountain, in contrast to a tall mountain, symbolizes nullification and humility.


Both nullification and humility are vital to receiving the Torah and learning it (each year, as well as every day). Therefore, it (The Ethics of Our Fathers) say, “from Sinai,” with the intention that we remember that receiving the Torah should be “from Sinai” – with nullification and humility.


But if we are meant to have this humility, why was the Torah not given in a valley? Or at least a plain, the lowest of the low?


One might think that it would warrant only humility and low-spirit, while in addition to that behavior, it does not negate the pride and strength that must come along with it. For it says in Shulchan Aruch/Code of Jewish Law, “Do not be embarrassed before scorners.” Therefore, sometimes we need might and strength to stand up against those who try to prevent us from serving G-d properly.


In one vein, our Rabbis say that the intent of Matan Torah/the giving of the Torah, was so that the upper worlds would come down to the lower worlds and the lower worlds would rise to the upper worlds. That way, the two worlds were able to fuse together, to make the physical world G-dly. (This is where we learn the purpose of the world – to create a dwelling place for G-d in this world.)


This is what “the MOUNTAIN of SINAI” symbolized: the ‘mountain’ symbolized the upper worlds, while ‘Sinai’ symbolized the lower worlds = physicality. Matan Torah was when the two were fused together, unified.


From a different aspect, a Jew could think: Where do I have the strength and ability to go in this way of “avodat Hashem,” service of G-d – where the unity of physicality and spirituality is a juxtaposition?


Therefore, the Mishna gives us the answer: “Moshe received the Torah from Sinai” – This strength was already received from Sinai. The mountains had it. Now, we too, ave it. If a mountain, something of the inanimate type, the lowest level of creations, has this awesome power to unite both worlds, how much more so must man, the highest level of creation (as speaker), have the strength and capability to make a “dwelling place for G-d, in our lowly world!”


Mashiach NOW!

Burn, Baby, Burn!

"...The Jewish people are called Neirot, lamps.
A lamp comprises a vessel, wick, oil and flame.
But one must kindle the flame - and then it sheds light.
You have a good lamp, but you lack the igniter.
By sharply striking the stone of the animal soul,
a spark of fire leaps out and kindles the G-dly fire."

- This is the topic of our (tear) last farbrengen in seminary.
I will add comments afterward. I must run back to it now, anyhow.


Hasta la vista!

FUTURE, PAST, OR PRESENT?

I've always lived for the moment. I hate consequences. It's worked well, actually. Live for the moment, don't get caught doing the things you shouldn't be doing in the first place, and it's all good. Until you come to seminary. Until they make you think. And suddenly this thinking becomes so much of your daily struggle that everything else is part of your double-tasking!

I'm talking about getting into bed and not felling asleep till the streams of sunlight begin pouring in through the curtains overhead. These thoughts begin to plague your mind when you are least in the mood. We learn from the Tanya that we control our thoughts. The best way to deal with all of it would be to set a time to properly think about all necessary thoughts that need to be sorted out. But when all you want to do is organize your thoughts, bring them to some sort of conclusion, you can do nothing else but think.

I've been plagued just so. And I've had enough. I'm supposed to be this easygoing, outgoing, fun, crazy, spontaneous person. And what has all of this turned me into? An intense, introverted, thought-provoked mind. Where is the old me? Why am I all worry and plans?

On the verge of hysteria, I hereby state my medium. The mind is vast and great. The mind entertains and challenges. The mind is good. The point of no-return is when one permits himself to be led BY his mind and therefore has no control over it.

Well not anymore. I have made up my mind. I have figured it out. And will continue to figure it all out daily. After all, each day is a gift, something to be cherished and sanctified. Thank G-d.

But no longer will I speculate. I will no longer plan my life in the way that anything that goes "off" (all is meant to be, I know, I know) will get to me. I am in control of me. That includes the mind. And the mind will be at peace.

I am back to the happy me. To the lively, spontaneous, live-for-the-moment me. I will live each moment at its time, each hour, each day, week, month, and year. I will not think too much beyond that, aside from fantasizing of course, for fear of disappointment. And forget about the past, that's over and done with - we are all capable of moving on. G-d has plenty in store for us all. Me inlcuded. Why should I worry? I have trust that He knows what He's doing... HE'S G-D! I will let Him do as He chooses.

G-d, go ahead, while I sieze each moment.